When I come in the morning at work. Some of the girls that I work with dont have eye contact with me!?
Asked by femaleofficeworker
and they are not very friendly I am new to the department ( a few months now). I try to be friendly but I feel as though I am not liked because I am (black). I work in a secretarial environment. There is one particular person in supervisory role who is a bit of a trouble maker and I believe perhaps causing people to dislike me for no reason. I feel like its not "hip" to be seen chatting or moving around with me. Ok it could be my personality... but they are not giving me a chance to show my interesting self. When you are new in a department people should approach you not you approaching people.. they all go to the pub after work to which I cannot go. I have to pick up my child.

Best Answer:
You're not being paranoid. This is a COMMON complaint from the 'black community' in the UK. What makes it racist is when other whites join in instead of trying to help you. I'm surprised, (but then again maybe not), you did not add they'd talk amongst themselves and ignore you as much as possible. To ask what has colour got to do with it only shows ignorance about what 'blacks' have to put up with. Having said that I can't believe that many UK whites do NOT know what is going on. We live in the same world after all. It gets worse. Even if you go to your highest boss because everything is about black and white in this country, they'll try to pacify you or dismiss your complaint as trivial and not worth wasting their time over. The best you can do if you become even more unhappy is to locate your worker's handbook and follow procedure. They usually at least will follow their own guidelines - if they've got brains - to avoid ending up in court. No legislation or whatever however can make colleagues like you but you should DEMAND to be treated with respect. P.S DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BE FREINDLY WITH THEM! YOU TRIED. THE BALL IS IN THEIR COURT. BELIEVE ME THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND. SO JUST DO YOUR JOB AS BEST YOU CAN AND ONLY SPEAK WHEN NECESSARY.
Sadly through experience and LISTENING to what 'blacks' have said.
Answered by maryblue

Racist punks. Thats all they are.
Answered by korines

Remember you're hired to work and not make friends. If your colleagues are not reciprocating, leave them alone. Give them some time to warm up to you.
Answered by SG Elite

what's the colour of your skin has to do with it? maybe they don't like you because of your personality ... get over it, it's just work, get friends elsewhere
Answered by Dub07

Can you not speak to someone higher about this... Do u go up and say hi to them when u go into work...i m not sure of ur situation...but i used to be in ur field of work...n used to also get ignored but that was only because people was busy with other stuff... Best thing to do is talk and if they still dont communicate then sod em they aint worth IT...
Answered by Jewels

It takes time to be accepted into a new environment whatever your colour. Keep trying to be friendly and work hard and you will be accepted.
Answered by ascoile

why do you think its because your black? have you heard they are racist? maybe they just act this way with all new people or maybe its because your female and girls dont like other girls coming in to the group in case the men find you more interesting or better looking. just forget them you are not their to make friends their only colleagues, let them see you are not interested in their pettiness and you will be the better person for it.
Answered by traceyandjames

Work is worship. Concentrate upon the work.
Answered by Seagull

hey thats there problem girl dont let it get to you ,remember be polite and dont talk about anyone at work in a bad way because you could be setting yourself up far afall dont worrie just do your job well and when you can help others that will get the bug out of there ars................sorry .good luck ,silver fox.
Answered by aidanj

I get the same feeling at work myself - I chalk it down to office cultural differences rather than the colour of my skin. The folks at my former workplace were warmer and friendlier but I never integrated properly at my new work place - which was rather disconcerting. Just keep your head down, stick to your responsibilities (you're there to earn your living - not necessarily make life-long friends) and try to make the best of the circumstances, without trying to impress anyone. And don't subscribe to the mindset of being a victim of racism - it's too negative to make you productive. Your better qualities will shine through to others in time.
Answered by Isaac F

Concentrate on your work, and keep smiling. Have you considered that they might be shy and are a wee bit hesitant just because you are new and they don't know anything about you. Don't worry about it, just give time some time - and all will be well. Good luck in the new job!
Answered by MONICA C

Dude, Dont worry, who are they to judge u by ur skin color. Fuck them...u work for the company not them, do ur work and make frens outside, one thing i hv to tell my fren, frens in office is the worst bunch of ppl, u will see their true color when it comes to promotion issues or in events tat competition among collegues is presence. So fren, free ur mind from this issue, worry abt ur work performance NOT them. One thing i learn abt girls is that they like guys who are quite and mysterious, when u dont pay attention to them, they would come to you and try to explore u, try this method and definitely u will agree wit me...good luck on ur new job dude!
Answered by TripleSix

I am sorry to read that you are unhappy at work because your fellow collegues ignore you. I too would hate to be treated like that at work it causes an unneccesary atmosphere, I have found people get a promotion & start to throw their weight around forget how they started so maybe she hasn't been a supervisor for long - not that excuses it - she should be welcoming you to the office make you feel at ease. Is she young? I would hold your head up high when you go into work say Good Morning & leave them to it don't let them make you miserable YOU are worth more than that They are the losers as I am sure you would be a good work collegue/friend. Good Luck
Answered by Ace Auntie

This behaviour is in the UK? That is odd. Obviously something is wrong with the people at your work, not everyone is like that. Perhaps one day they will warm up to you. Just be yourself, I always think black people (sorry), are the most cheerful, happy, exciting ones. They bring spice to an environment, you need to act, bring some life to those people!
Answered by ultratiger

It doesn't matter what color you are, it's difficult trying to blend into an office with other females, especially when those females have been there quite a while longer with you. Remember, women are catty, it's the nature of the game...I've been in my job 6 months and while they've warmed to me, I'm still a bit of an outcast and I've got my own theories as to why (everyone surrounding me is a secretary, where as I'm a higher level administrative assistant...it could be jealousy or who knows what). Focus on your job and try not to worry too much about making friends. That's pretty much the law my boss laid down when I started my current job.
Answered by Sunidaze

This is your chance to rise above it and focus on your job and not the drama or immaturity in the department. Continue to be friendly but don't fall victim to paranoia and office soap operas. Eventually they will come to respect you. If you don't participate in the drama, some may think you are a snob, but those are not the kind of people you need to worry about.
Answered by trixie43015

My dear Lady, First of all, know that too much familiarity breeds contempt. Keep to yourself at this time, you are too new to be expose to danger because human being are so dangerous, you can never know the depth of the mind of those who hang around you so quickly. All you owe your employer is to do your job well and all you owe yourself is complete job satisfaction. Do those things that will promote these two priorities, others will follow automatically at its time. Regardless of your colour, what matter most is your brain and ability to do your job well. Avoid soiling yourself, do not join the band-wagon going to the pub. This is your time to shine and tell them that black is beautiful and that, they have dignity. They will come to you later for counselling. Remain clean and hardworking.
Answered by moses

Your colour shouldn't make any difference. I live and work in Ireland and I work with 4 girls from Nigeria and they are very black. We get along very well. I am sorry you are in a position like that. I bet you are as good at you job as the rest. Nobody has the right to judge others. If you like that kind of work it's a shame to give up your job. Maybe you are picking them up wrong. If you get to know them a bit better maybe things will change. If that doesn't help you might have to look for another job where the atmosphere is a lot more friendlier.
Answered by Catherine L

You go to work to do just that, WORK. Sure it would make the time pass quicker and maybe make your day a little more pleasant, but you aren't there to win a popularity contest. Who cares whether they smile up in your face when they see you coming? It's better that they are upfront about how they feel about you than smiling up in your face and then going and talking about you behind your back. Furthermore, for all you know they may be standoffish because, as you stated, your personality may not be the most welcoming. They may have been friends with the person who's job you have taken over and could be showing there loyalty to that person by snubbing you. One of them could have possibly been gunning for the position that you snatched up, it could be any number of reasons. Whatever the reason is the company chose you and brought you on board because obviously you were qualified or the best person for the job, and I am sure they are paying you to work and not make to have social hour on the job. The best way to deal with people like this is to come to work, go to your area, speak and help out as necessary, do your work, and go home. You are wasting precious time and energy wondering why they don't acknowledge you, when you should be letting your work occupy your mind and forgetting about them. Be proud; you are black and that's not going to change. You must learn to adapt and overcome situations in order to succeed. I have people like that in my office, I speak and keep it moving, if they need something they come ask, other than that it is just business, nothing personal. You can't make anybody like you, and it would just be silly to try befriending people who are ignoring you. If, however, you feel you simply cannot work under these conditions, you have the right to confront the individuals or quit, the choice is yours. But to admit just how much they have gotten under your skin, to me, is the same as admitting defeat and waving the white flag for mercy, saying, "ok, you win, just please be my friend" and personally I wouldn't give them the satisfaction. I seriously think you should try giving them a dose of their own medicine first though. All the best.
Answered by TRUTH HURTZ

It's tough feeling like an alien in the office - I have been there believe me. Just keep your head down, do you job to the best of you abilities and if the atmosphere doesn't improve by the end if the summer leave and get another job (if it is bothering you that much). Women can be bitchy, just ignore them and keep your chin up.
Answered by catriona1969

Hi, I appreciate where you are coming from, it can't be pleasant if you are trying to make an effort with them and they appear to be blanking you and not involving you, colour in my eyes shouldn't make a difference so I wouldn't think that way. At the end of the day they are all there for the same reason, to do a job, they may feel threatened by you but don't rise to there levels and continue to be as nice as possible.
Answered by Richard M

I find that most persons do not really warm up (100%) until 6-9 months have passed. It is better to gain trust and acceptance slowly because these people will be more steadfast in the long-run. Hang in there!
Answered by elletera

You'll be surprised at the sort of issues people would have in their tiny brains against others. It could be anything, that u have a child, that u got the position they've always wanted or one of them's husband or boyfriend just left her for a black girl. It could also simply be that they have a certain mind set for blacks which with time will change after getting to know u better. Above all, always pray and continue to be friendly, dont over do that though. If it goes on for over a year which i can assure you it wont, start to look for another job. You need to work in a peaceful stressfree environment.
Answered by skinnybeauty

I had a similar situation a few years back. Everyone in the office had children but me. They would set around and talk kiddo talk and not involve me in anything, or would laugh if i put my two cents in.... I just started this new job in September and the girls were this way to me at first. You have to keep your chin up and don't let those things get to you. If it is that important to you, send those girls some "forwarded" email chain (something funny) and type in the body of the letter, "This is so funny, thought I'd share"... Maybe one day you could bring in breakfast for them.. It will take some time. Good luck!! I know how you're feeling and I hope they wise up!!
Answered by Kay Ray

I had exactly the same problem when I first started at my company I thought it was maybe due to my colour why I found it difficult to make friends but after over a year here I realised I was just insecure. However, it wasn't unwarranted there are only 5 black people here out of 200. I also have a little one to pick up every evening but I got a family member to pick them up from nursery once in a while so I could go to the pub on the odd occasion, this helped. I won't go into every detail but I had a tough first 6 months here but now it is much better so take heart. Maybe make friends with the receptionist they're normally everyone's friend. Just start by saying Good Morning/Evening everyday and slowly build up a relationship from there. You sound like a very friendly person, but not everyone is like that some people are shy, some are mistrustful. It takes time to form friendships. I know it's lonely at first but you need to persevere and keep smiling. If after a year you are still struggling then maybe it's time to move on but I really think you need to give it a little while longer.
Answered by Esky

Don't let them intimidate you into thinking that you have any less right to be there then they do! When you consider it rationally you was employed in the same manner that they were, your employer chose you out of a number of applicants because you have what it takes to do the job. When they are having conversations join in make a point of being heard. Make sure that they know that you are there for exactly the same reason as them, to put food on the table and that you are NOT going anywhere. Its your place of work.
Answered by Toni G

When I go to work I do not go to socialize.I go to work ,I enjoy my work and I do not have time to wonder who likes me or not. I am friendly and always greet everyone warmly.Just be yourself and ignore those you ignore you.Keep your chin up and remember you have someone waiting for you that loves you.How many of them can say that.Some of them have to spend their time in pubs while you can go to a place called home.
Answered by thumba

Whatever you do keep it professional, treat them as you would want to be treated. Polite and courteous, then they have no reason not to treat you the same. Give it some more time, if it is making you very uncomfortable or you have concrete evidence that you are being treated poorly because of your colour then take it up with your Manager/HR Dept or Union if you have one. Do not make an issue out of something that may only be the natural behaviour of others around a new member of staff. Wherever you go there is always going to be a person(s) you don't gel with, it is your reaction to it that matters most. Keep it friendly and civil and go home and enjoy the company of your child and friends from outside work. Good luck x
Answered by Lynsey C

You will blend in at some point. Don't push it and just enjoy your job for now. Getting too involved with the "girls" too early can only mean trouble. You really have to be careful with this.
Answered by katobow