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alan213006
Is This Office Bullying? What Do You Think?
Asked by alan213006
Is this office bullying? What do you think? Here is the scenario to enable you all to form a judgement: A male friend has recently started working as a temp in a large office. He is 47, very quiet by nature, and just wants to get on with his work and go home, not wishing to be dragged in to any office politics and the often childish banter of work colleagues. His supervisor, a young woman or around 28 - who should know better - has started being funny with him verbally, uttering things like "Get those files on the computer or I'll kill you," and "I'll set Pauline on to you." The impression given from these comments is that she is found out the man is on the quiet side and is pushing her luck to see how far she can verbally belittle. He has not answered her back yet, as he does not want to cause any trouble with being new. However, he is very upset over the way she spoke to him, and is contemplating taking it further. So what do you think? Is this verbal bullying?

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Best Answer:
Your friend is way too sensitive if he takes that as bullying! It's more like banter! Next time she says something like it he should answer with "I beg your pardon, what did you just say?" and see what her response is!

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no
Answered by Maliez

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of course.
Answered by kelsey

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yea, talk to the lady
Answered by Bob

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yea i think so
Answered by ♥M♥N!C@♥

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you must be high. thats not verbal bullying. i work in a shop and there is trash talk that would probably make you cry. grow up.
Answered by tom delcus

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i think that some people could take it either way..
Answered by morethan21geese

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She may think she is being funny but she should keep her warped humor at home and he needs to tell her that! He should also tell his temp agency.
Answered by ServantofGod

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yea
Answered by Austin B

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In my office it would be.
Answered by Iakona

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If it's not then it's definitely out of line. go further
Answered by Bug Fuggy

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You're kidding right? She's probably just trying to get you to talk more, joking is an easier way to communicate with shy people. I'm shy myself and find it more comfortable to talk and be a part of a team that laughs. That is not pushing you, she's trying to include you. Mellow out.
Answered by Tim

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when you are at work you have to deal with people telling jokes that aren't funny. Especially when they are the boss. I used to work at a couple of places where the supervisors kept various Star Wars and fantasy role play action figures on their desks. Working there was a ball.
Answered by Sarah Grissom

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The first thing hew needs to do is grow a spine and tell her he does not appreciate this sort of talk.
Answered by 55yrsnholdin

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Perhaps she's just trying to welcome him into the group, we joke around like that at my work. Or, maybe she is just being a bully. Either way, if it's bothering this guy he should speak with her about it and if that doesn't work, tell someone of a higher power!
Answered by Andie18888

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It's really up to him. If he feels uncomfortable, he needs to talk to the boss and tell her how she makes him feel. Otherwise, don't worry about it.
Answered by Krystle S

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No, he should laugh WITH her and let it go. He is a big wussy for mentioning it. He could just look angrily into her eyes and she would never do it again.
Answered by Yumiko T

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could be, or it could just be a really inappropriate and bad sense of humor. He should confront her about the comments and that he is not amused by them and that he finds them to be too aggressive/confrontational. Her response to his notification that the communication is troubling will guide your next steps. Who knows, she may sincerely apologize and stick to the straight and narrow.
Answered by Meloo

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She isn't bullying. She's just trying to get him to open up. And we all knkow you are this shy mystery worker. If you really have a problem with it, talk to her about it. No reasonable boss would fire you or think any less of you. In fact, most will respect you more for coming to them about it. Good luck, don't be shy ;)
Answered by Benny

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no way, shes just joking around. shes not really going to kill him, shes trying to be funny. And i don't know who Pauline is, but it sounds more like the joke is directed towards her than it is your 'friend'. Its not bullying.
Answered by madi_sangre

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It's hard to say...she might just think she's being funny and trying to get him to 'lighten up' in her own way. You have to remember....people with different personalities find different things humorous. What he needs to do is talk to her in her office and tell her that she is making him uncomfortable. If it continues after he makes his wishes known, then yes, it is office bullying.
Answered by SusieQ

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It sounds like it, but since he is a temp, he probably feels that he will be out of the situation soon, and just puts up with it.
Answered by Deb W

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Yes. He needs to firmly stand up for himself and say something to the effect of "Thanks for your input I will take it into advisment. Don't you have work to do?"
Answered by TennesseeGirl

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Go the the supervisor's boss and explain the issue.
Answered by Spartan,John17

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She may think she's trying the "break the ice" and be amusing. Obviously it is not amusing to him. A trip to the Human Relations department asking how best to handle it would be in order - that way he's not "turning her in" but rather asking for advice on how to handle the situation to let her know he does not enjoy that type of humor, and if they feel it is necessary, they can help handle it for him. They are the experts - let them use their expertise here. No one should have to put up with "office humor" that isn't funny to them, but I wouldn't be paranoid this early in the game either.
Answered by PuterPrsn

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If what is being said/done is hurting the feelings of the victim, then it is considered verbal-bullying. This woman is pushing her luck to see how far she can push him. This is considered verbal bullying to me because it is hurting the feelings of this man who seems innocent and quiet. If this woman's behavior is making him uncomfortable and if he feels a little threatened, the behavior needs to stop. It seems to me that this woman is just doing this to get a reaction out of it for her own pleasure... joking is one thing, but harrassing is another, and her behavior seems to fit into the harrassment category.
Answered by FAStPiTCHxoBABEx33

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Yes definitely, she's jus tryna see how far she can push him, he shud put her in her place.
Answered by Nay

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It is definitely bullying. If he dosen't find a way to assert himself it is only going to get worse. There is a lot of info on the net about how to handle a workplace bully. I would start doing something about it right now.
Answered by Bell

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not really. id usually like to take use out of the relationships for the best i can, so i wouldnt bother bullying the quite guy, although it doesnt mean i'll ever like him. you see if she ever needs a favour and he might be of a hand at all, its good to have a few people at your finger tips. but mostly id just feel bad because he isnt being crap and its unnecessary but also he's quite and if he is good at his work, she better just keep her mouth shut, because id regard him as a good worker for whatever he is handling and how good is his skill is at that. but yeah she should learn to shut up and not make enemies for no reason. people like to be treated with respect and its an important aspect of behaviour you need to portray at a work place, as well as maturity.
Answered by black ♥

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He should notify his Temp' Agency explaining of discomfort and request instruction. I'd expect a responsible Temp- Agency would relay account to their opposite number where he has been employed. Direction and inquiry needs to come from the top downward in both management operations. If Temp' Agency is unwilling to assist I'd resign and move on to the next labor organizer.
Answered by kavekarst

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Having been bullied myself I'm often astounded at the ignorance of people who say things like - toughen up!. This is most definitely verbal bullying, no matter that others may have it worse. Not only bullying but threatening behaviour. At school they said I had no sense of humour (I do - but not at the expense of others!) or it was teasing!!!!! Threats such as "... or I'll kill you" or "set... on you" should never be considered joking. If it was being said in a pub by a stranger then you'd take it seriously, just because it's not alcohol fuelled doesn't make it any less threatening and being in a work environment makes it highly inappropriate. The only way to stamp out bullying is to record the instances and complain with the hard facts. The bullier ought to get a life not the bullied, as I suspect the bullied has had a perfectly good life without resorting to such heinous tactics. If the temps work is otherwise sound, don't let him resort to verbal retaliation (which is often what the bullier wants) just note the instances of verbal abuse & report to higher ups. If the higher ups don't take it seriously then get them to seek advice from the agency through which they are temping. Bullying MUST be stopped.
Answered by missgmc

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yes . no person can use this form of intimidation . if you notice this gentlemans face colour grab earplugs , and find another section of office to be in . this will be a explosion probably profane . people can only be pushed so far . very unexpected from a woman , since they are more intellegent , and mature than males , especially in a closed enviorment .
Answered by salmonbellies16

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Maybe that woman made those comments as a way to make your friend feel at ease with her staff. She may have noticed that your friend was a bit quiet and shy and wanted him to open up and have a more relaxed attitude. I guess some people may take a joke the wrong way.
Answered by Saiyuki_Anyone?

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I think that if the person really is upset with her, he should make it very clear to her that he doesnt appreciate those type of comments.. But in saying that, I think shes trying to be friendly and make the person feel a bit more comfortable. He should make it very clear he doesn't like those type of comments by not laughing at her jokes, staying away from the woman concerned, and if it gets worse, just say to her bluntly - 'I don't really appreciate comments like that to tell you the truth' if he really wants her to stop.
Answered by lolly. (:

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to be honest its really not pushing that line yet. What he needs to do is talk to this supervisor or her line manager and state that such comments make you feel uncomfortable. Only then if this behavior continues is it seen as unacceptable. I would tell him to talk to her temping agency to have a word - even if anonymously or even go to the relevant trade union and a representative would take on the case. Good Luck.
Answered by esther f

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despite their difference in the positions in the office, the least that the woman could do is to ask him to do stuff in a manner that respects his age. it may not exactly be bullying but it affects his capabilities and performance at work. i'd recommend that he speak to a higher supervisor or a relation's officer, something like that. the man is being paid to work his ass off. there's no way that being belittled and verbally abused is part of his work description.
Answered by LiL A-9

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No, I think it's someone who has a sense of humor that's inappropriate in an office setting, especially given she's a supervisor. That being said, at 47,shy or not, a grown man (or woman) should be able to deflect this sort of thing without causing a scene but make a strong point of letting her know he's not interested in this kind of nonsense. By "taking it further" I hope you mean talking to her in private, or her supervisor, and saying he doesn't find her comments amusing, and that he like their interactions to be purely business.
Answered by GEEGEE

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I don't see how this would be qualified as bullying. I think perhaps you and your friend are taking it out of context. It was probably meant in a joking manner. She was probably just trying to break the ice a little because he is so quiet. I don't think you can get the full picture unless you were there because body language plays a huge part in communication. Was she being stern and hostile? or was she trying to be light and humorous? My advice would be to wait and see what happens.
Answered by becky21292

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She thinks she's being amusing, probably has the big fish small pond syndrome, many young women in charge get delusions of grandeur about themselves, but he is taking it way too seriously. He needs to lighten up and being very quiet by nature does not mean he can;t be relaxed and go with the flow even if he dislikes the current. NO job is without it's faults and uncomfortable moments, we've all had them and everyone needs to handle their own personality conflicts, part of the deal of working with other people.
Answered by mystery

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He needs to get her alone and politely explain that he was uset by her behaviour and explain why. As for whether it's verbal bullying - well, the first statement COULD be classed as that, BUT it all depends on the situation at the time and also her tone of voice and expression when she said it. The second statement, isn't bullying though - that just sounds like general office banter. Maybe she's trying to encourage him to join in the office banter - maybe HE'S the one who comes across as perhaps a little unfriendly and stand-offish. I know that may sound harsh and I'm sorry, but I work in a similar environment and I know what it's like and how easily things can be misconstrued. Does he smile a lot or sit with a straight face all of the time? Colleagues may think that he's unfriendly/ doesn't like them / thinks he's better than them etc. Does he turn down invitations from colleagues etc. My advice is for him to smile at his collegues, try and join in with some of the general chat and jokes that go round the office (even if he just noticeably smiles at a joke - it still shows that he DOES like the people he works with and IS friendly) and to just relax and try and get to know the people he works with, even if he just starts chatting to one person over the coffee machine. I really hope this helps - just remember the golden rule "Smile, make eye contact and show an interest in the others". He doesn't have to get dragged into office politics or become the office party animal - just show what a nice person, I'm sure he is!
Answered by carmelia.marcella


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