Effect of being raped on my working life :( Help?
Asked by Maria
Hi, I have been raped four weeks ago. I didn't tell anybody about it and thought I will just continue with life as normal and deny that it has happened. Well, to be honest that didn't work very well. I haven't been able to sleep during the last four weeks and I got depressed. Of course this also had an influence of my working life. I just finished University this summer and started a job two months ago. After the rape I wasn't able to perform as normal and was scared that I might loose my job. Last week I then decided to tell my boss what had happened as I thought she might then understand why I changed. She reacted in a friendly and sympathetic way and helped me by referring me to a rape crises centre. However, today she acted very cold and annoyed when she saw me. I understand that it was a stupid idea to tell me boss about this personal issue and I am really ashamed. I am not sure how I should continue? I feel now very uncomfortable at work and don't want to go there tomorrow. Do you have any advise how I can solve the problem with my boss? How can I apologise for bothering her with my private problems?

Best Answer:
at an appropriate moment thank her for referring you to a rape crisis centre and tell her you feel that you are now moving forward. I was very sorry to hear about what had happened and I do hope you are going to take action. You should do this not just for you but for other women who may be attacked if nothing is done to stop him.

Listen, u absolutely need professional counseling,. There are tons of issues that haven't even played themselves out yet in your life. SEEK COUNSELING!!! This is about the same as having a loved one die and can have huge huge effects on your psyche. As for her attitude, all u can do is ask her, what do u have to lose at this point?
Answered by Dude

Confront her for seeming rude, it might have been a coincedence.
Answered by Tropical V

First of all, your boss is a jerk if she is being cold after what you have been through. Go for counseling asap. After a trauma like that, you will need all the support you can get. Good luck.
Answered by DAR76

SEEK COUNSELING!!!
Answered by pepper

oh darling i am so sorry! i have a close friend who was raped and i know how it effected her! just keep your faith up and keep going to the crisis center where people can help you. as for your boss, just explain to her that you are sorry that you vented your personal life onto her and that you just needed to tell someone. tell her that you're sorry if it bothered her.
Answered by fanpire!:)♥

It wasn't at all stupid of you to tell your boss, and I'm shocked and disgusted that your boss acted in such an unproffesional manner.You have been a victim of a dispicable act, and you should not be made to feel bad by anyone.
Answered by James Jones

Please talk to someone.
Answered by Matt J

You need to say something. I was raped at 4 years old and the man was never prosecuted and I still have the anger and hate for what happened. Something needs to be done here and I hope you can find peace and happiness.
Answered by Cmeyer

Honey!!! you should get it off your chest! TELL SOMEONE! and it'll be all over! that bastard will be in jail!!! and it's okay to tell your boss about it! most women will understand the situation because we're all understanding people! please tell someone! I will pray for you to have strength! xoxox
Answered by Carmen

It wasn't a stupid idea to tell you boss, she needed to understand why you were performing the way you were. Maybe she was having a bad day today, which she might have turned her attitude on you. But don't blame yourself. Try not to take it too hard. Go to work normally and do your best, that's all you can do. If your boss continues to be cold and you think it's about your situation, then you should talk to her and see what's up.
Answered by Bill

she's your boss she felt stressed over company issues my dad usualy took his fustrations form his work out on me (its not as bad as it sounds XD ummm i hope you regain normality back in your life. i know your scared of what there si to come in work tommrow but just go in and do your best whats the worst that can happen, honestly. its not your fault you got rapped. seriously, dont feel bad over something thats not your fault. the fact your boss was sympathetic in the 1st place is good. keep seeing therapist or someone to talk to liek a psychologist. i wish i could be of more help but i really dont think your boss has a problem with you. also i know nows not a good time to say but i think you should get one of those alarms next time, it really helps. feel better. x
Answered by Devil Drummer

She might had a bad day, we all get them, don't worry to much about your boss, take care of yourself first, go your GP, he or she will give you some medication, I can't understand why you didn't go to the police?
Answered by ERICH M

You did the right thing by telling your boss. I know that she might seem cold and annoyed with you, but you're doing the right thing by telling people about it, as if you keep it to yourself. Things like this can lead to other health issues, and it is important that you tell people that you know. If you need to talk, please feel free to email me.
Answered by mtwaites

why u r scared....speak out & make sure the guy is behind the bars.....watch out for your security in the future....one thing is for sure that only time 'll heal ur wounds....but exercise,meditation,yoga can help u to relax & make u calm to forgive & forget. best of luck.
Answered by vanshreeg

well first quit feeling guilty i see your guilty about what happened and it reflects on the outside.You want to say your sorry for tellingn your boss a personal issue when all you was doingn was making a out let talking about things help and again no need to be guilty for something thats not your fault your boss should just understand. rape is a 10% physical 90%psychologicalcal event, the memories last forever but you can dwell on past events theres worse that could happen to you in this life time its just the point to say i wil NEVER be a victim again and advoid places where you could be and im not saying hide in your house, take a self defense class it helps you emotionally and gives you alot of confidence also if it ever attempts to happen again you can f*** the bas**** up good luck to you
Answered by meteorman77

First of all, no need to apologize to your boss. As unpleasant as this may have been for her, when the point arises where she needs to talk to you about your performance, it would have come up anyway. A good manager will always have the time to listen to your personal issues and refer you to the appropriate places, but not get intimately involved. You may want to send/give her a thank you card for the referral to the crisis center and let it go at that. If the topic comes up again, tell her you are fine. Push through your feelings and go to work, do the best you can with the understanding that things will get better because they will. If you have any time available for you to take off (vacation days, etc.) and you feel the need, do so. Seek professional help regarding the rape. It is the best thing you can do. Understand that sometimes terrible things occur in this world and we have to live through them. Go to the police and see if you can file a report. This will help to bring closure and you can sleep better at night. If you know the person who did this, have that person arrested. There are some things you just don't do, and this is one of them. But seek counseling immediately and call the police. Good Luck and Hang In There.
Answered by mark r

I am very sorry for what happened to you....i really think you should get help in order to get through this...i definitley know that keeping all the feelings inside helps sometimes but it defintlry isnt healthy ....and about your boss...i think you should have a one on one conversaion and tell her that your intentions on teling her about your situation wasnt meant to get her annoyed or mad or anything ....and you shouldnt feel ashamed ....you are a strong person b.c you still have the strength to go to work and endure what has happened to you...i suggest you go to a therapist and talk about it...remember thats what therapiss are for to listen to what your feeling and not critize you.....[just to help you]...i wish you the best and i hope you get through this ..... Best of luck, cristina
Answered by christine l

I think you should take her aside privately and tell her that you're sorry if your confiding in her made her uncomfortable, but you truly appreciate her help and understanding. Try to focus on your work as best you can. Consider reporting the rape - whether you decide to or not is up to you, but for goodness sake, call the rape crisis center. Talking about your traumatic experience with people who understand will go a long way toward healing. Good luck, honey.
Answered by ohfor pitysake

Hey LAdy 4get Ur Boss U HAve A Serious Issue...U Need To Tell Some1, Justice Must Be Served....U Probaly Wont get Along Wit Anyting 4 A LOng Tym If u Dont Get Dis Of UR chest I Mean Lyk Even If u Find a way To Apologise To Ur Boss...How R Things GOna Be In Ur Lyf? I Dont ThinK Everytin Will Be alRite...A lie? Well My Advice Is That U Talk TO SOme1, Report The Incident..Try n Make tHings noRmal by maBy Gettin aLot of Friends n jUst Go oUt aloT .....Trust ME iT Helps WEn U HAve SomTin BiG On Ur miNd Sooooo Gud Luck..... N noe That ThIngs Usually HAppen 4 a Reason dOnt BE Depessed 4 Somtin Dats Not Ur FAult
Answered by M.c

Dear Maria, I'm really sorry about what happened to you..somehow i can understand why you felt the need not to tell anybody about it. But eventually you did, and it was your boss you chose to confide in. You didnt give details, but i deduced that maybe the perpetrator was somebody from the same workplace? Judging from the recent actuation of your boss that you described, she probably was put in a very uneasy situation, a situation she is reluctant to be in.. I think it was the right thing to do to have told somebody about it, I'm just not sure that your boss was the right person. Maybe a spiritual adviser of some sort will be a better person to discuss this with..Or somebody matured who you think can be trusted with this matter. This is a good place to start..As to the culprit, I don,t think it'ds a good idea to let him roam around thinking he got away with an evil deed that easily..I can't decide for you, but you need to discuss this with somebody. In the end, please don't think that this awful experience should end your faith in life. Get a grip on yourself. You know, I'm sure you are not alone in this situation, there plenty other girls, women who lived with rape..probably keeping it secret. This is the time when you should gather your strenght and give yourself the love you deserve. Maybe you are confused, hurt, afraid, worried.. I am not a preacher or anything of that sort, but I have had my share of very deep pains, and I'm telling you that these feelings will come to pass and you will be happy again.
Answered by belve

it might be that your feeling very sensitive at the moment, if i was you i would not bring it up again.talk to your doctor and he will get you the help you need.
Answered by lavender