At some time, someone probably warned you to avoid three subjects in polite conversation: sex, religion, and politics. Add gossip, racial matters, and bragging to the list, and you've got all the conversational minefields to avoid in the workplace.
Sometimes the most innocuous statements can cause offense: the accountant giving too much information about his date last weekend, the sales executive trashing a candidate or political party, or even the PR associate who can't stop gushing over his huge new house, beautiful car, or smart kids.
Business etiquette experts agree that there are several ways to confront inappropriate office speech without making the situation worse or endangering your own position. There are no hard rules for every situation, however. Your reaction, or non-reaction, should depend on what was said, who said it, and your own status in the company.
To Confront or Not Confront
If your coworker dropped a verbal bomb, experts suggest the following strategies:
* Don't confront. In many cases it's best to press the 'ignore button' and walk away, especially if you're in a group setting. "Sometimes people try to goad you into arguing about a divisive subject," said Andrea Nierenberg, networking expert and president of the Nierenberg Group.
"Often you can simply respond with, 'I hear what you're saying,' then quickly move on. And do it without getting upset. If you fight fire with fire, you'll surely get burned," she says.
* Confront, with caution. If you know the talker and can be fairly certain he won't blow up, bring up the remark later, away from a group setting, according to business etiquette expert Randall Hansen. "Say, 'Maybe that topic you brought up should be kept outside the office.' He may appreciate the advice because it will save him from future embarrassment in the office or with clients."
* Speak from the "I." If you're offended and feel a strong need to respond, don't make the speaker wrong, warns business etiquette consultant Hilka Klinkenberg. "Don't respond with, 'How dare you say that,' but rather, 'That comment made me feel uncomfortable.'"
A Bomb From Above
If your boss or other higher-up crosses the line, the situation is trickier -- you may have to weigh the options of making a point or keeping your job.
In fact, Hansen recommends not going to human resources about such an incident. "Too many times a company will circle the wagons to protect a boss, even when they should want to know about the incident to prevent lawsuits and foster a better environment."
However, it is perfectly legitimate to document the incident in case it becomes a more serious situation. "And if you have mentors in the company who are on the boss' level or higher, tell them and let them approach the boss," Hansen says.
Being a Good Manager
On the other hand, if you're in a supervisory or management position, don't "press ignore" after hearing inappropriate comments.
"It's part of your responsibility to model and lead and set an example," says Hilka Klinkenberg. "If you let remarks slide you could open yourself and the company to liability issues around harassment and discrimination." Still, you should approach the speaker with tact and without anger, she suggests.
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