If you went to high school, perhaps you remember the "once-removed" theory. The theory says that if you hang around with cool people, you'll be slightly cooler yourself. I don't know whether the theory holds true, but I know there are plenty of networkers who believe in it.
The networking version of the once-removed theory goes like this: The most appealing thing about you, O New Man or Woman in My? Networking Orbit, is your friends! You can spot a friend-seeking networker in a heartbeat.
A Sure Sign
The first thing this type of networker will do is ask a new acquaintance, "So ... know anyone at Microsoft?" Your new acquaintance may feign modest interest in your own likes and dislikes, accomplishments, hopes, and dreams. The friends-first networker truly couldn't care less about any of that. He mainly wants to get his grubby paws on your Rolodex, or the modern equivalent thereof. Your friends, in his eyes, are the sum total of your value.
If you work with someone or play softball with her for years, it makes perfect sense for that person to ask you, "Say Elizabeth, would you feel comfortable introducing me to your cousin at GE?" If you're meeting someone for the first time, it's a huge insult for him or her to request an introduction. Don't take the bait!
This type of networker will meet you at a networking event on Tuesday evening and on Wednesday morning, he'll shoot you an email message saying "So, Elizabeth ? anyone in your network work at Whole Foods? I've got a terrific kelp smoothie I'm trying to sell to Whole Foods." It's not just the unexpected request for a favor -- unexpected because you've known one another for 12 hours or less -- that startles you. It's the specific type of favor that is so off-putting -- a favor that requires you to vouch for this perfect stranger, representing him falsely as someone you know well enough to present to a trusted friend.
Never, ever fall for the "Of course, I'll introduce you to my network, too" line from a networker whose only interest in you is your contacts. A person like this doesn't know anyone you couldn't meet on your own. And to make an introduction to a person who values your acquaintance so lightly is a big mistake.
Friends You Trust
Your friends are your friends because they trust you to guard their contact details like the precious gems they are. Your friends don't entrust you with their work and home phone numbers and email addresses so you can spread them around town like Pokemon cards. You'd expect your friends to be as careful with their intros to you.
A person who hits you up for introductions out of the chute is a person to cut out of your circle on the spot. Given a chance, the who-do-you-know networker will creep throughout your network like kudzu, treating every new person as a means to yet more introductions.
You deserve to be valued for your own amazing talents and qualities, and so does every person you know. Don't let the introduction-seeking networker sour your relationships -- just say no, as many times as it takes.
Liz Ryan is a 25-year HR veteran, former Fortune 500 VP and an internationally recognized expert on careers and the new millennium workplace. She is the author of "Happy About Online Networking," a popular speaker on workplace and work/life topics, and the leader of the global Ask Liz Ryan online community. Contact Liz at liz@asklizryan.com.
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